» How to Behave at a Play Party
How to Behave at a Play Party
How to Behave at a Play Party
Common courtesy, Social graces, Socially acceptable behavior.
These are all terms used in a civilized society where humans interact with one another. The BDSM community has, over time, developed social mores or acceptable behaviors that its members follow in public situations, and it behooves us to be mindful of the social rules in the area in which we live and play. While Scene Etiquette does vary from place to place, the common thread remains “Be polite.”
With the above in mind, the following is what is considered Normal Scene Etiquette for most BDSM events.
1. Gain Consent on Everything
a. Ask before touching. (This is a large part of consent)
b. Do not touch another person’s body, clothing or equipment without their specific permission.(NOTE: there is a reason why this is Rule #1.)
c. Everyone is an equal and entitled to courteous treatment. Any treatment outside of this must be done with permission.
d. An offer to play is not an insult. If you decline an offer to play, please do so as politely as possible.
e. Respect the privacy of scenes in progress.
f. Watch from a non-intrusive distance.
g. Do not interrupt a scene in progress for routine questions or conversation.
h. Join a scene in progress ONLY if expressly invited to do so by the top or dominant.
2. Consider Where your relationship to the Event you are attending.
a. Do not make negative comments about a scene in such a way that the players can hear.
b. If you have safety questions or other concerns about a scene in progress, please communicate them immediately to the Social Director/Host.
c. Keep social & ordinary conversation in the Social Areas
d. Conversation and laughter are inappropriate in scene areas while scenes are in progress.
e. Please do not sit on or near play equipment unless you are using it or about to use it unless there is an explicit entertainment portion you are called to audience.
3. When Playing in the Play Areas:
For the comfort of all, and with the exception of those activities deemed to be social in
nature (i.e.: protocols, mental domination, service/task oriented scenes), all play should be kept to the designated Play Areas.
4. Respect people’s privacy
a. Some guests must remain deeply “in the closet” about where they live, their real names, their profession, what company they work for, and so forth. Please refrain from asking direct questions about these areas. It is fine if they volunteer information, but don’t probe.
b. Disclosing another person’s name, address, phone number or other personal information without their specific consent is extremely serious misconduct. Don’t do it, and don’t ask others to do it.
5. No means no
a. If your second offer to play with a particular person is declined, please don’t make a third offer at that particular event.
b. If someone says to you, “Please leave me alone,” that is considered a “Social safe word.” Do not initiate further conversation or hover near them for the rest of the event.
c. Do not assume that single means “available.”
6. No violence, threats or challenges
a. Starting a fight, over-reacting to provocation, threatening another person in any way, or
challenging them to fight either at the event or “outside” is extremely serious misconduct and will result in immediate ejection from the event.
7. Help this event remain a low profile event..
a. Please avoid blood-curdling screams, high pitched shrieks and other sounds that might alarm people outside the party.
b. Appropriate outer clothing must be worn in any area open to, or in view of the General Public.
8. You are responsible for your guests
a. All guests must have passed their 18th birthday.
b. If you choose to bring guests, please ensure that your guests know what kind of a party they are being invited to, what the rules are, how they should behave, and that they can emotionally handle what they might see.
c. If your guests behave in an unacceptable manner, you will be held accountable.
9. Party Dress code
a. There is no special dress code, per se. Fetish wear is certainly “admired, but not required.” Dress how you wish to express yourself for the evening.
b. Please arrive at the party door wearing relatively normal outer clothing.
10. Willful and ongoing disrespect of other members may be grounds for expulsion